3 ways to deal with Resistance

…so I made it past Day 3 in my podcast project! (If you’re reading this post and wondering why I’m celebrating getting past Day 3, listen to this podcast episode where we talk about the resistance & fear that tends to kick in at the beginning of any creative endeavour and why Day 3 is a crucial moment determining whether you’ll continue or quit.

This time, my strategy for getting past Day 3 was:

1. Celebrate every response I received about the podcast. ⁣Hearing that you’ve been listening to the podcast gives me the fuel to keep showing up. It reminds me that this creative work is not about me, but about you.

2. I was clear on my WHY for making this podcast and this publication. I also had decided in advance that even if only ONE person will listen to the podcast, it will mean for me I have succeeded in reaching my listeners.⁣

3. I had decided about the topic for episode 4 in advance, so in case resistance would kick in, or something unexpected would happen, I would already have a plan 😉⁣

Here are some insights based in years of battling Resistance:

Know thyself.

Know what your own “sabotage behavior” tends to be. That way you can learn to manage it.

I know one of mine tends to be related to scheduling. More closely put: I know I tend to have an overly optimistic way of looking at my schedule. “Yes, I think I can squeeze in this thing here between this and that other thing.” I’m really good at overestimating what I actually can manage to do in a day. This is one of my biggest self sabotaging behaviours. Thank goodness I figured it out, and could start doing something about it.

I had to figure out how the hell to organise myself, because for years, my schedule was looking like a sour dough that got out of control, with creative projects, work tasks and appointments oozing out in all directions. I know first hand what being in a constant reactionary mode feels like: constantly reacting to everything, because there’s too many deadlines and too many things demanding your attention at the same time. That’s one of the biggest creative energy drains that you can imagine!

Managing myself and my schedule became a life-skill that I had to learn, both in order not to drown in my own creative projects and in order to give my creative projects a chance to survive.

I’m very well aware of that when I start a creative project, my Resistance will always come up with 5 more creative projects to start at the same time. And this one’s a really good one too: usually around the time that I would start something that is really meaningful to me, not only would my Resistance come up with more projects, it would also find a way for me to say ‘yes’ to other people’s requests and projects. It would make sure I’d create such an unrealistic schedule that there was no chance in hell for my most meaningful project to ever get past that crucial Day 3 mark, because there were too many other things demanding my time and energy.

In the past, I would feel like a victim of my schedule, act surprised, throw my hands in the air and say “I have no idea how this happened (again)!”, and perhaps also blame somebody else for my schedule drowning in my out-of-control creative sour dough. Now that I’m aware of this self-sabotaging behavior, I can anticipate it and manage it.

So yes, know thyself.

Make a plan.

No, plan, no way you’ll beat Resistance when it shows up.

Think of it as your contingency plan. The plan that you design to help respond to a future unfavourable situation, event or incident. Yes, prepare for the worst-case scenario. Prepare for that thing that could ruin your project. We need contingency plans in our creative lives.

Part of my plan for my podcast launch was to have the content for the first 4 episodes ready in advance. You’ve probably heard about batch-creating: creating a lot of content in one go, ahead of time.

Another part of my contingency plan for the podcast is: next to the batch-creation, I always have some content that is already ready to go in the form of repurposed content. Repurposing might mean you take a short-form content you created and make it long-form, or the other way around. Or you share something you created for a limited audience to a larger audience. Sharing “behind the scenes” content from my coaching programs is part of my content plan for this podcast. There’s so many invaluable things and teachings being shared inside the coaching programs, and I want you to get a taste of it.

With a plan, you have decided in advance what you’ll do. There’s no negotiation that needs to take place anymore between yourself and your Resistance.

Decide.

You’ll either say “Yes” or “No” to your creative work. There’s no “Maybe”.

There’s no:

“Maybe I’ll practice this if I have the time.”

“Maybe I’ll sit down to write if inspiration strikes”.

“Maybe I’ll work on my song.”

“Maybe I’ll write that blog post.”

The decision is yours: yes or no. Nobody can decide for you. But you have to remember, there’s no ‘maybe’. And each time you say ‘yes’ to something, you’re also saying ‘no’ to something.

I was once coaching an artist who told me they needed help in the voice department: gaining some new technical skills to get more sound possibilities for their upcoming recordings and stage performances. Getting their old ‘bad vocal habits’ exchanged for new better ones, to help them sustain vocally with a full tour schedule. We started the coaching, and it went well for about 3 weeks. For 3 weeks, they said ‘yes’ to their voice & performance goals. After that, they started saying yes to other things.

You can’t say “I want to exchange my old vocal habits and learn new ones” and fill your schedule with so many other things that you don’t have time to practice your new habits (except for when you see your coach in a session), or end up in circumstances that are sabotaging you from reaching what you say is important to you, because you’re energetically drained and your health becomes compromised.

You can’t say “I want to have more time for my own music” and refuse to change anything in your current schedule, habits and behavior. That time won’t just magically appear on your doorstep.

Each time you say ‘yes’ to something, you say ‘no’ to something else.

The good news is that you get to decide! There’s no shame or blame. Just realise when it is that you’re actually saying ‘no’ to your creative endeavour, to that thing you said was so important to you, by saying ‘yes’ to something else. And then say it as it is:

“No! I don’t want to have more time for my own music, I decide not to change anything in my current schedule, habits and behavior.”

“No! I don’t want to exchange my old vocal habits and learn new ones. I decide to fill my time with other things.”

“No! I don’t want to be in shape energetically. I decide to stay up late and get little sleep.”

“No! I don’t want to work on my lyrics. I decide to scroll on Instagram instead.”

Say it as it is and own your decision.

This is not written with sarcasm, this is written to help you see that there’s power in your decision. When you step into your own power you give up on feeling like a victim of the circumstances. You also take full responsibility of the things that are within your own control. Responsibility-taking is not for the faint hearted. It’s so much easier to blame outside circumstances and other people for not having / being / doing what you would like to have / be / do.

Try owning your decisions for at least a week. It can be a life-changing experience. Confronting at times, yes. But also empowering.

Sometimes my decision has been to stay in my pyjamas the whole day and write. If I didn’t own my decision to stay in my pyjamas, I’d feel bad about it during the whole day. But if I say it out loud: “No! I decide not to get dressed today, I want to stay in pyjamas. I want to write in my pyjamas today, and I don’t wanna leave this bed because it’s the comfiest writing-bed I’ve ever had. I really like the idea of staying in bed, in my pyjamas, sipping tea and writing. Yes. Love that. Yes, that’s what I decide to do today. And at (time of day), I want to take a shower and get out for a walk. Ok, now let’s go make some tea.” Owning that decision is a totally different thing than sitting in bed in your pyjamas, trying to get some writing work done, while feeling like you should be a “good person” and get dressed and sit down behind your desk, instead of staying in bed writing. You’ll feel shame and blame as you remember reading how it’s bad for your sleep patterns to work in bed, and you think of so-and-so who probably has got their life all organised and under control and would never write in bed in their pyjamas. That’s gonna sabotage your writing all together!

Know thyself: if staying in your pyjamas is going to sabotage you from getting your creative work done, take a shower and get dressed for heavens sakes! If you run the risk of becoming a creative hermit who lives in their pyjamas 24/7, and that has a bad influence on your social life, your personal and mental well-being, make sure you create a plan to safeguard you from staying in your pyjamas, absorbed in your own creative bubble all the time.

If you feel like binge-watching Netflix for a week, and skip your creative work all together, enjoy immersing yourself in that experience rather than lying on the couch watching Netflix while feeling bad about not creating at the same time. And if you know binge-watching Netflix is one of your sabotaging behaviours, create a plan to safeguard yourself from that. That’s what owning your power is all about.

XO Katja